Thursday, September 11, 2014


Now that I have come to terms with aging I'm not sure that I like it. I'm not sure I like it at all. I realize how different my thinking is now then it was in my teens, 20s or yes even my 30s.

I think less of what I look like in a bikini and more what I look like in my full dress gear and war paint. I recently had to change from eye liner pencil to liquid liner. Something so small; yet so big all at the same time.

I think less about my sex life because frankly there is less of a sex life to think about. I had a dream the other day that was passionate and beautiful and was feeling so wonderful until I was awaken by my beautiful 3 and 4 year old. Yes they are determined I may not have a sex life even in my sleep.

I think less about this moment and more about the legacy I am leaving on this earth. It is not going to be a legacy let by donations and money but a legacy left my heartfelt donations of the heart and shown by the laughter and tears of my children. To date there have been 4 bio, 1 miscarried little peanut and 20 foster. I call that one hell of a legacy.

I think less about so many things and more about so many other things. I'm still not sure I care about this aging thing and I'll continue to lie that I'm 29 forever but I realize that with aging comes wisdom. I'll take that for now.

On October 27th, 2013 I was the exact age my mom was when she died. I thought about this day for a long time. On my last birthday I turned an age that my mom never reached. I'm not sure what I am intended to do on this earth but I need to remember that everyday is a gift. Yes even aging. Hell some people never get that gift.