Difficulty

I knew when I became a mother that there would moments of difficulty.  I never knew those difficulties would one day encompass moments, hours, days, weeks, months and sometimes even years.  I thought having a newborn was hard.  I didn't know how easy that infant was until I had a toddler.  I thought having a toddler was hard.  I didn't know how easy that toddler was until they hit kindergarten and beyond.  School was hard.  I never realized how easy school was until they hit the teenage years.  Those teenage years were hard.  I thought to myself although every one of these stages are hard, surly we are coming to the end of the hard times.  They have grown and matured....er they have grown and now we can become more then a mother/son we can become friends.  Fast forward to their 20s and I realize the last 20 years have been a preview of the moments, hours, days, weeks and months to come.

When Dennis left home at the ripe old age of 16 everyone told me "He'll come home."  He never did.  When he graduated everyone assured me "He'll grow up."  He never did.  When he got married at 18 everyone said "He'll mature."  Yep still waiting.  I continually hear "When he has kids..."  We'll wait and see on this one.  I'm hoping the wait is a long one.

When Robby graduated at 17 and left for boot camp I was happy for him.  We had arrived.  He was joining the National Guard and had a full scholarship for football.  He was happy and I was happy for him.  The day he graduated boot camp he gave us a plaque that read

"Parent's Appreciation Certificate"

Let it be know that

Lorene & Tim Martins

having mastered the art of parenting

by having a child successfully complete

Basic Combat Training

and for being the parents who stood by, watched over, comforted

and guided me down the path to a

successful graduation has accordingly been awarded

this successful parents

Certificate of Appreciation

from

Robert J M Martins

on

August 2007"

Fast forward a couple of years after he has dropped out of college, lived in my basement, been unemployed and then deployed, married and now living in his wife's parents basement.  The 20s are hard.

It hurt when Dennis changed his last name and it hurts no less as Robby is doing it.  I'm not sure how we went from successful parents to the losers they now believe we are but that is where they have delegated us.  It hurts, it's hard and I don't enjoy this.  Tomorrow as Robby gets married for the 2nd time (to the same person) and changes his last name from Martins to Madden it will be difficult. 

I hope they always realize that although times were difficult and will continue to be I'll always be there mom and they'll always be my babies.  I love them even when I question if they love me.  Sending prayers to God for grace and dignity.